Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The BIG Shocker, Part 2

Wow, Do I feel the love or what?!!!! It is so great! Thanks to everyone for the great comments and the love that you have truly shown me.

So I want to fill in a few more details with my story that I cannot even believe I forgot to put in my original post anyways. But it was soooo long that it is probably best I broke it up.

First and foremost is that ever since I was a little kid, I have had a small bladder. I'm sorry this is TMI for some people, but I am not embarrassed by it. I hate it, and I have been embarrassed by it many times, but I can remember when I was 12 and going to the movies with some friends. I went to the bathroom before, during AND after the movie. It's just something I have lived with for a looong time. Well, obviously, after having kids, it has gotten worse. It's not like I have accidents or anything like that- I just have to GO all the time! So, one day about 9 months ago or so, I was at my docs office for a thyroid check and mentioned to him my frustrations. He had me try a bladder medication that just helps me be able to go longer in between trips to the bathroom without retaining water or anything. it was AWESOME~! Sooooo, fastforward to when I did not know I was pregnant (but I would have been 4 weeks at the time, just barely pregnant) and I am filling a new perscription for the medicine because my old one expired. After a few days of taking it, I seriously thought the doc had given me a lesser dose or something because I could swear I actually had to go MORE than normal, even on the medicine! What? So the good news is after a few more days I stopped taking the medicine. Deep down I believe that subconsiously my body was telling me to stop taking it because it was not a good medicine to take while pregnant, but it's weird because I really am surprised that I didn't take it for longer just to see if it would help. Guess the pregnancy was kicking in big time because MAN OH MAN I had to go ALL THE TIME. Worse than any of the other times I have been pregnant...But this experience is another sign that everything was in the works and I just did not know the plan at the time...CRAZY how everything has come together.
So, what was Cortney's reaction?? Well, normally I do something cute to tell him I am pregnant, but seeing as I had been crying pretty much all day, and was freaking out, and this was not planned and totally crazy news...I knew he would be shocked as well. I just asked him to follow me upstairs after dinner. In my closet I pulled out the two pregnancy tests, and as I was pulling them out, he said "oh, your pregnant." And I said Yes. I think he maybe didn't believe me or didn't belive IT until we talked and I told him about both tests and could now see all the signs. And as weboth sat down and talked, let me tell- only when I have something truly important to talk to my hubby about do the kids come in a thousand times, jumping on the bed, trying hard to do their best to get us to stop talking and play with them. So to say that it only added to the already freaked out mood would be an understatement. I was definetly frustrated and just wanted to vent to Cort. --SIDE NOTE: Seeing as I have been more emotional these days, Keaton has started doing THE CUTEST thing in the whole world. he comes up to me, puts both hands on my face and says, "Mom, are you okay Mom?" and keeps asking until I say "yes, I'm okay." Where did he learn that? I dunno, but it MELTS my heart!! Okay, back to the story. We talked through it. If you didn't realize before that the timing of this pregnancy was definetly different than what we would have planned, you should know it now! Of course I am grateful and know the Lord has a plan, but the reason we had put off researching adoption and foster to adopt thus far was Cort's health. It has been a really rough last year especially- He IS finally on the road to recovery and we think the surgery was sucessful, but he is still playing it really safe and we are trying to be careful he doesn't have any more vertigo attacks. SOOOOOO, when we were talking about me being pregnant, he was concerned about him being sick, me being sick or on bedrest, and who is going to take care of us? We only have his parents here who are really able to help (his sister will have moved away by then) and his Dad just had back surgery. And there is only so much they can do! And quite frankly, it is hard to ask someone to come in and help with throwing up. And we live in an amazing neighborhood that I know would go through leaps and bounds to help us, but it is hard living that way- relying on others to help you get through things you think you should be able to take care of yourself. So we talked a lot about this. And a lot about just the SHOCK. After a few days of us going back and forth about "wow, isn't this so crazy, how are we going to do this"...some things started to click for the both of us.
I would share little personal things with him, little feelings that I had that things were for the best. A week after we found out we were able to go to them temple and that was wonderful. We both had great feelings there that everything was going to be okay. There are so many little personal experiences we have both had that have made things easier to deal with. I think Cortney took the shock harder than even me in the beginning because he was so worried about both of us being sick. I know it has been hard for him, and now its hard for me and so we are just trying to help each other! But somehow, so far, it has worked out.

And speaking of being sick, I feel bad for Cortney that he has had to put up with my moaning, grumbling and whinning about it. I never ever really feel good anymore, ever. And it is the worst at night. His meals have suffered, he has had to do more around the house and more with the kids to help me. Once I get past this sick phase (that is assuming I will, please please please!), then I am hoping we will be out of the "still in shock" phase as well. Because I am still in shock! And I think sometimes Cortney is too.

Did I ever mention that I am STILL in shock?! Some days everything is so real and I get excited and worried at the same time. And other days I seriously think "is this really happening"...I know it sounds crazy that it has taken me over a month to let is sink in, but I don't even think it has sunk in YET! It is so amazing how quickly life changes. I am just so grateful Heavenly Father, my family and friends are all here to help me through them~ ;)

1 comment:

Debra said...

It's okay to still be in shock. I know I was in shock (and kind of denial) for some time after finding out I was pregnant... and Joe was even longer. I hope and pray that all turns out well for you and am glad you got those reassurances that they will be! Congratulations!