Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry and Bright

Well the week before Christmas was rough. Just plain old rough! I had some issues with one of Paxton's nurses (nothing really bad, just emotional) and then learned a few little things that just made me worry about him. Then with the worrying came less sleep, and with less sleep came a more emotional me! So I was kind of a basketcase. But I pulled together in the end and we had a great Christmas. As great as it could be considering we had our little man in the hospital. But Santa came to both our house and the hospital, so it was great.

My pictures are out of order, but you can figure it out I am sure! Here is Cort and me on Christmas Day with our little man. He is now 5 pounds, 3 ounces and growing! The few times he has worn clothes, the preemie clothes seem to fit him just right! When did he get so big? (I know, my friends who have seen him gawk at how little he is...but to us, he is big!)

One of my favorite nurses Bonnie with him...does anyone else think his hair is looking pretty red here?? The new room he is in (yes, he got moved to a new room and it is SO MUCH BETTER) has a window that lets in a lot of natural light...his hair is almost strawberry now. My mom will love it!
Christmas Eve- 3 handsome boys with their new jammies and slippers!

Keaton on Christmas Day at his Grandparents house...

Christmas morning presents!

Santa brought everyone what they wanted! And I was surprised at the end with a new camera~! Although these pictures were taken before I opened it (on the old camera).

Our little elf with his eyes open- the day after Christmas. Its moments like these that I can't stand it that I can't just grab him and stare into his eyes while holding him. He is just so stinking cute I cant even take it!

This is what they call "the froggie" pillow and I call it "the tooth" because it looks like a tooth. Either way, it's like a light bean bag that molds to their body and paxton loves it on him. I can't wait till he is off the vent! He can't wait either! Hopefully soon.

All in all, Christmas was wonderful. And we are enjoying Christmas break as a family. Hope your Holidays have been wonderful too!

Friday, December 9, 2011


I am afraid I have turned into scrooge. THE scrooge, BAH HUMBUG! It has been a really rough lousy week! Starting with Monday- it was a bittersweet day...Started out bitter, I went to the female doc for some female stuff that did not go tell well (and let's just leave it at that). But then I made my way to the NICU and it was wonderful. I got to hold my little man for the second time- he seemed so strong and much bigger and more stable than the time I held him before.

Cortney even got to hold him the day before, on Sunday, for the first time.

What a sweet moment!

Later that day I had to go back into my female docs because some stuff from my visit went wrong and had to be taken care of. Not pleasant. I called in late afternoon to check on Paxton and he is doing fine. But when I called back later that evening, the nurse said he had suddenly turned very sick. VERY SICK. Like, he had stopped peeing and was lethargic and acting very sick- just suddenly. Of course I was so very worried. My heart hurt so bad- I wanted to go in and stay with him, but the nurse said to get some sleep so I can stay all day the next day- that he would need me then. So what I should have done was gone anyways because I couldn't sleep at all anyways I was just so worried! She called very early in the morning and Cort and I headed down there just in time for him to have stints put in his kidneys. I could offer many more details of all the things that ended up happening that day- but let's just say when I saw my sweet baby, he hardly looked like my baby he was just so very sick. And it was so sad. Cort and I were there all day and after the day I had Monday, then Tuesday, I was so exhausted that I felt physically ill. The rest of the week things got better with Paxton. He has a bad infection still, but is so much better than he was and is getting better every day. What has made the rest of the week hard is just the reality of my life these days. I keep thinking about Christmas morning. I have my kids at home that I can't wait to see open their presents- and then I have this baby clear across town that I want to be with. Luckily he has wonderful nurses who will be with him whenever I am not, but some days, I just get so sad thinking about it. Add to that taking my car into the shop to fix the door that the wind storm broke, dealing with my fighting boys at home, trying to get a house clean and things ready for the holidays- I am just not handling all the stress well this week!

Most of the time I can hold my head strong and make it through, but for some reason, this week was so much harder. I know most of it is simply that I have a baby in the NICU! And he got very sick! And then you add on everything else going on in my life and it makes sense for me to be a little crazy. But I also know that it is out of my control and I can't change the situation right I just try to take it day by day and not let it get me down.

So as I write this, my house is half way a mess, my kids are finally getting to bed and I am still feeling like a scrooge! But I am making a deal with myself that I just don't like myself this way and my kids are suffering from it too- so we are going to try to have a better week! It HAS to be better than this. I am putting my trust and faith in the Lord and letting him take the reigns from here. Here's to a better week!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


I am overwhelmed. To say the least. My life...well, yes it is crazy these days. Totally crazy, BUT I am mostly overwhelmed because I have let so many things go that I can't even begin to catch up. Like my house...yes, it is cleaned and tidied up daily...for the most part, on the surface, it is clean. But closets? OH the closets! And under beds. And in cubbords. And the basement...these are all things that are cleaned and organized more routinely and since I got pregnant, I did a big fat NOTHING. And I am so far behind. And just the mere *thought* of beginning is overwhelming.

I was thinking all weekend of how there are so many JUNK toys everywhere in my house that need to be thrown out--we have a playroom that is desperate to be organized and is so far gone that I should seriously throw everything out! Which of course I wont. But that is how bad it is! And how wonderful would it be to have all the junk toys thrown out, old toys given away and room made for the new toys the kids will be getting for Christmas?! Well, it would be just wonderful I tell you! Wonderful!!! And did I even metnion my closet to you? You see, I have all my "after baby" clothes in there, mixed in with a few "maternity" that I haven't put away, mixed in with some "in-between babies" clothes that I am starting to fit into. And a few of my skinny clothes are lingering in there from before pregnancy. The truth is, I only wear about 40% of what is hanging up in there...the other 60% seriously needs to be dealt with because it's taking up so much space...but I just can't seem to find any motivation to do anything besides general maintaining of my house.

So it will be left alone. Left alone probably until Paxton is home. It's funny because I still think of projects I want to do for him- I already have all the makings for his quilt...and the thought of making that just excites me! But normally I don't take on any fun projects until the important projects are done. So it will all just wait. Until one day I will hopefully have the motivation. Hopefully. SIGH. One of these days...