Yawn.

I am in the middle of writing Paxton's Birth story. It is a LOOOONG story. So many details starting from bed rest on. So I am taking a break and just writing a little update to say I am ALIVE. Barely. Up until yesterday, my kids, hubby and I were getting used to our new life. Every morning I get up, get the kids and myself ready, take the kids to school, drop Keaton off at a friends house to play, and then I am off to the NICU. I visit with Paxton, get the update on Paxton during rounds (when all the doctors get together at once to talk about the babies in the NICU) and discuss the plans for that day with the doctors and nurse. I make it home just in time to either be there when carpool brings Brayden home, or am there to pick him up myself. I then get Keaton, we eat lunch together at home and have a normal day. I am there for both Kyler and Brayden when they get home from school. We do homework, we do chores, we have a normal life. I then go up to the NICU after the kids are in bed and Cort goes up on his lunch break at work. Our kids at home have a mostly normal life and Paxton gets 2-3 visits a day. We can't hold him yet. We can touch him here and there, but the less the stimulation, the better. So we are happy with things.

And then there are some concerns that send him to Primary Childrens. It is one of the best hospitals in the world (in the top 10, I believe). They are a great hospital. They just do things completely different. And so we are starting over. Meeting new doctors and nurses, and residents and they are over-crowded. And Paxton is the least of their concerns as far sick babies go, because he is mostly healthy and only fighting things that kind of come with prematurity. I know, I know. They ARE concerned. They do care. It's just hard. It's sooooooooo different. The way things are communicated is so different. Today I practically had to fight to get some answers. Once I got the answers, everything was fine. I just needed someone to communicate with me!! Someone of authority, who knows what they are doing!

Anyways, so that's our new life. We are waiting every day to see how things progress. I am at my house, leaving a sweet baby behind in the care of someone else. That is HARD. I feel so helpless as a mother. In some ways, I have been able to let things go this time. There is so much that is out of my control that I have to let some things go. And I can't drive myself crazy with worry until I have a reason to. So we are taking things one day at a time.

And other than yesterday and today, life is slowly getting back together piece by piece, as much as it can be considering we have a baby in the NICU. We have been brought meal after meal, had our kids taken care of by various friends/family members/neighbors. We have had so much support, so many prayers. We can feel them. We know that the miracles that have already happened, have happened because of the faith of those around us. We are so eternally grateful.