Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Power of Positive Parenting

Let's start with a story. A mom teaches her kids that in an emergecy, they should dial 911. She shows them the phone and how it works, and then explains "it's for emergencies only." Then take 2 naughty boys, who LOVE police men and want an excuse to call one...and then you have my day on Satuday.
Cort left for the BYU game (he was gone from 8:50am until 5:15pm). Yes, I am a very nice wife. Just remember that honey. So, boys are fighting as usual...over silly bands. Silly arent they? Well I finally threatened if I heard them fighting over them again, they are mine. And so they fought, and so I took them away. (Did I mention Kyler has 32 of them?!) Then began the screaming, fighting, yelling naughty things at me...all of which I ignored. If I say anything, it doesn't matter, they will just get worse. So I ignore. And then the phone rings. I look at the caller ID and all it says is City of Farmington. I picked it up and answer hello. "This is a 911 operator and someone just called 911 from this number, is there an emergency?" Ummmm...WHAT??!!!! "No, I don't know who called" at which time I cover the mouth piece of the phone and yell "Kyler and Brayden get up here now, who called 911, whats going on" in an extremely loud angry voice. The 911 operator tells me it sounded like children in the background but they didn't say anything into the phone, they just hung up. I apologized a kazillion times and told her they were mad at me for getting into trouble. Once I hung up, I found out that Kyler told Brayden to call the police to take me to jail for taking away his silly bands.'t! I cannot even tell you the steam coming from my ears at that moment. I actually bit my tongue in anger. I sent them to their rooms to think of something to say to them that would actually matter. They stayed in there. Thats how you know that they know I was mad. Normally they try to get out of time out a million times. but I think they were truly scared of facing me. I was SO MAD! Of course it was hilarious all at the same time. I mean, seriously, so cute, right? Well I thought I was going to rip the phone from the wall and yet burst out laughing all at once.
So I thought and thought and thought about it, over and over again. And I went in to talk to them. Now, I KNEW deep down that they do not truly understand the seriousness of what they have done. I knew that they would secretly love a police man to show up at their door, they would think it was so cool. They know that police men take bad guys to jail (isn't that why they called for the police to get me?) but they still haven't totally gotten it that everything involving the police is serious and that you can't call for fun!
Well, they do now.
After some serious talking, everything was slowly resolved and the boys were punished and then sent to chore duty with no silly bands to speak of.
And now as I reflect back on this past two weeks worth of events, there are several big changes that need to happen in my house. This 911 story is honestly NOTHING in my mind compared to some of the other things my boys have done. And it really hit me yesterday. I was literally sitting in bedroom crying because I know that there are some serious changes I need to make as a parent. I have been so negative lately, and I really think sometimes that all my kids get is negative attention. I don't mean for it to be this way...I don't think anyone wants to be negative. But I have been so worn out from constantly cleaning my house, taking care of the kids, trying to keep everything in order, get meals on the table, kids to school on time, etc. that I have taken no time to really just be with my kids and enjoy every moment. Even the little things we have done together, I know that I am just determined to get through it without anything big or bad happening. And I need to focus on all the sweet moments that my kids are bringing to my life.
So I have a new focus for this month. I bought a book a few years ago that really is a great book, but I think I need a refresher course and a new attitude to get things set right in my home. The book is called "The Power of Positive Parenting" by Dr. Glen L. Latham and it is spot on. A lot of it I think leads in the whole parenting with love and logic type of thing. It makes perfect sense to me that I need to be teaching my kids more and spending more time focused on the positive, rather than the negative. you have any awesome and amazing parenting tricks that work for you with your kids? I am not talking the standard "let the house go to spend time with them" kind of thing. I mean, thats all great and all, but I hear that all the time- I want something that you think is unique and different that works for you and is very specific. Will you please share it with me? I am starting this new week fresh and share your inspiration with me and here's to a new chapter in our family...a positive one!
Have a great week and wish me luck!


annieareyouok said...

I think every parent can relate to this at some point. Some days (or a string of days) it just feels like all I'm saying is "no", "don't touch that", "no more whining", etc. I don't have any magical advice, but I find that doing something new breaks this day-to-day cycle. It doesn't have to be totally new stuff, but I try to not do the same thing on the same day every week. One Tuesday we go to the zoo and the next Tuesday we have a play date and the Tuesday after that we go to the park. Kids need variety as much as we do. But I have to say the thing that TRULY gets me out of my negative rut is going out with a friend for coffee at least once a week and talking. Of course we talk about our kids, but we make an effort to learn about each other and talk about non-Mom stuff the way we used to before we had kids. Remind your self that you are fun, interesting, and smart and get back to being yourself. Good luck!
P.S. I can not BELIEVE your kids called the cops on you. Hysterical ;)

Jessi said...

I don't have a lot of advice but I will share a little trick that has cut down the yelling and tantrums in my house.... I made the kids these sticks with tounge depressors, Austin has 5, Faith has 6, Naiya has 7 and Ryan has 8. they start the week with all of their sticks and everytime they break a rule one of their sticks gets moved to a naughty jar. If they lose all of them they don't get their allowance. (or silly bands, or any other special treat)My kids like money! They know that I'm not going to yell and they don't get second chances. If they are naughty, they lose a stick. It has worked around here beacuse they can see how many they have, or don't have, and they better not talk back or yell at their little brother or throw fits....or NO MONEY! Your kids are adorable and your going to be laughing about this for a LONG time!