I know, I know

Alright, I know my last post seemed really Debi-Downer. Other than the awesome fun time I had when my sister was here, last week was terrible. Really. BUTTTTT, things are much better this week. Thank heavens!!

So this week my goal has been to really sulk up every second with my kids. Let the house go, have fun together. Because I had noticed that in all my moodiness, I have found myself saying "no" to almost everything my kids ask me. Mom, can I play with a friend? Mom, can I have this? Mom can I have that? And really, a lot of those things I still should say no to, but I can do it in a better way. Since when do I say no to all these fun things my kids want to do?. It's not fair to them. So I have been making lists of fun things we can do, answers I can give them instead of no...Like saying "well we can't play with a friend right now but let's play with playdough!" And giving them other ideas help keep them from the extreme boredome they have been facing. I feel bad, I am just so dang tired all the time! And moody! And never able to get enough sleep, EVER! So it shows through my most pleasant personality. No wonder my kids fight and are grouchy! I have been not showing them quite the love they deserve.

So I have been working on it. I am even reading some books to help me with dealing with some of the things that happen specifically to BOYS as they get older. I have two issues with the book- 1. I fall asleep pretty much any time I read anything. It's going to take me a long time to get through this. And 2. The beginning of this book basically is every mother's fear: "boys are always treated differently because they have a harder time sitting still, containing their energy, they struggle with self esteem, they are viewed differently in the world." ETC. It's hard to read that. Especically when I have 3 boys! Maybe 4 soon! But this book came highly recommended and I know that it tells me these things to buld me up and help me recognize how much extra love and encouragement and support they need. Which in turns only makes me feel like a failure as a mother because I don't think I have given my boys, especially my oldest, that kind of patience, love and encouragement. The good news is, I still have been a pretty good mom and can't beat myself up over this- what I can do is start now at working on these things. And doing better. And that's what I am trying to do!! I am actually quite encouraged that I am not alone in my feelings about having a hard time figuring out how to handle boy situations. What the heck am I going to do when my kids get old enough to really start to "get it" with certain things?? You know, like where babies really do come from?? AHHHHHH. I am scared to death! But at least I know I am on the right track doing what I can do as a parent to educate myself and teach my kids the best I can (don't worry folks, they are not ready for "that" talk yet...at least I think...) Thank heavens, again.

Anyways, enough rambling from me. I really just am a super duper hormonal monster that is trying to control it because I know it is because I am pregnant. And I hate to say this agian, I really do, but there are some days I still can't even believe I am pregnant! Really. I still can't believe how this all happened and some days I find myself going "really, there is really a baby growing inside me??" For reals! It is crazy! I really hope that some day I will be back to my normal, not crazy to everyone self. In the meantime, you will continue to read crazy posts from me. ;)