I Resolute!

Beware, this is very long, but I am venting. Hmmm...where to begin? 2009 was a tough year in our household. Cortney had several broken ankles, was diagnosed with meniers disease to name a few, but just after bringing our sweet Keaton home from the NICU after being there for 13 weeks, I had to have my thyroid out. It was actually a year ago this month. And lemme just say, it pretty much sucks. Once you have your thyroid out (which by the way, controls your metabolism=energy levels), you have to take a thyroid replacement pill for the rest of your life. now getting to the right dose...yeah thats what sucks so much. If your "levels" are off, you are exhausted and fatigued, can't lose a pound if your life depended on it and sooooo...what do you do? you go in to your doc who checks your levels, says "Yes, your levels are low", increases your dose and it takes 6 WEEKS to be in full affect. Yeah, like I said, it pretty much sucks. So, I have always taken responsability for myself when it comes to my weight. If I am in a "bigger" stage of my life, I know why. I'm not eating well, not exercising, or when I am nursing, I cant really lose weight. So, needless to say, I have always worked hard to lose weight when I have needed to.

Currently, I am not at my pre-pregnancy weight. That's all I want. I know I will not be the size I was in high school again, but I am okay with that. So, this all brings me to my thyroid. I work out/run at least 4 days a week. I never eat after 7pm. I don't drink soda (although I have had a few in the last few weeks to see if it helped with my recent fatigue and it doesn't, so I'm done with that). I don't eat a lot of sweets, just once in a while. I eat pretty well. I take care of myself! I am not a lazy person. I push myself, even when I am exhausted to run. I am trying so hard to lose weight and CANNOT. I have been so discouraged. I just want to feel good again. I could care less about the number on the scale, I simply want to fit into my old clothes again. And I feel I deserve it after all I have been doing to lose weight!

I am stumped. I feel that my thyroid situation has been pretty crappy. I don't want to put the blame on anything but myself, but I seriously do not know what else it could be but my thyroid making it much harder for me...Okay, I will stop the whinning now.

Soooooo now that I am done venting about my thyroid situation...I can move on to my Resolutions for the Year 2010!

Every year I make resolutions, some more serious than others. Last year I truly conquered a big one for me, which was to stop drinking soda. This year, my goals seem to reach deeper.

Of course I want to slim down, but more than that, I want to get my thyroid figured out so I don't have so many off months of ups and downs with energy. This is a goal that is really not a goal. I am going to do more, but also need to rely on others as well to get this worked out. I also feel that I really need to work on accepting myself the way I am...not that I need to give up, but that while I am in these efforts to lose weight, I can love myself for how I am now. Feel good about the fact that while I may not be the size I want, I am not sitting around. I am working hard and should feel confident!

I want to increase how often I run...I want to go 5 days a week and run in the mornings rather than at night. Running at night has been nice for me because my hubby leaves early for work and I would have to get up super early to go in the mornings. However, running first thing in the morning on an empty stomach burns literally twice as many calories than working out any other time of the day. Sooooo, that will be a priority for me now!

I want to go hiking at least once a month. I miss hiking...and hope to someday hike the Grand Canyon again.

I need to organize all my discs of pictures/all pictures developed and pictures that need to be developed and get cracking.

I need to bring all my kids baby books current. poor Keatons book has not even been started.

I need to go through all the cabinets in the kitchen and clean and organize.

I need to go through all the tubs of kids clothes/organize, label.

I want to make church bags for my boys- Rather than bringing one bag to church where they are fighting over toys and books, I want to have one small bag for each with reverent activities specific to their likings.

I want to paint the laundry room! This is a room I can have fun with since not many people see it! ;)

I want to start a geneology project that I know will take a long time to work on.

I want to practice more parenting with Love and Logic for my kids.

I want to take more time to read to my kids, and want to take more time with them personally one on one as well as time together. (maybe a mommy date night is in order!)...

There is more, but I think these are the top priorities for this year...I love blogging/journalling. It is so great for me to vent, I am just sorry everyone else has to hear about it sometimes!