~Colleen Lois Mills~

A week ago this past Friday, my sweet Grandmother, my Mother's Mother, passed away at the age of 81. It was not a total shock- she had been on and off of hospice for about 7 months. But it all just happened so fast. I will spare the details as I really don't even think I can go there right now...but I will just say this. Yes, it's all true. When someone you love dies, you go through all the stages. Shock, sadness, anger, more sadness, etc. You feel guilty you did not spend more time with them, you go through all the memories in your head over and over just wish that you could have them happen again for real. I had NO CLUE how sad I would feel from this loss. Especially since we have been preparing for it as a family for a long time. We knew it would happen.

This pic I wasn't in...but it was taken in front of my Grandma's old house in Prescott. 99.9% of my memories are from this house and I miss it so dearly!

Nicknamed "Big Red" for her beautiful striking Red hair that she wore into behives in her younger days, she had a vibrant personality that I like to think I take after a little. She truly worked her way to the top all on her own and always took care of anyone and everyone. My mother is that way. I will tell you that I can handle her loss okay... it was going through my Grandmother's things that tore me to pieces. Bringing up so many memories, making me wonder certain things, just going through it all without her there was so hard and I truly do not know how my mother, Aunt and Uncle have been able to do it. I have a new appreciation for the strength my mom has shown through everything over the past several years she has taken care of my Grandma. I am so blessed to be able to have a few nice treasures of my Grandmothers to keep in the family and keep her legacy strong.

This picture was taken exactly a week before she went into a coma like state. She wasn't feeling well and the start of her true illness was showing already, but we are ALL so grateful she was able to hold her first great-grandchild from her last grandchild! (Does that make sense?)...My little sis is the youngest of all the grandchildren and had her first baby...and we almost wondered if she stuck around so long during her final weeks so she could meet him in this lifetime...

Don't worry, I am not in a deep dark depression like I may sound in this post. I am so happy my Grandmother is in a better place and that she is with my Grandmpa and her son who passed away at 18 months old. I am SO GRATEFUL for the plan on salvation and for the chance I have to see my Granmother again someday. She has left an amazing legacy behind. I am happy to be part of it. I am especially happy that I could spend some quality time with her before she passed.

All the emotions of this has really made me want to be a better wife, mother and friend to all. I want to leave behind a wonderful legacy as well. It really does make you focus on what you are doing with your life! I can't take for granted FAMILY and how important they are to me.

So here's to YOU Grandma! I love you so much!!

Colleen Lois Mills

March 16th, 1930-March 25th, 2011