Monday, May 10, 2010

The Dilema

I have had a dilema. It has been bothering me and on my mind for the past few weeks. I know I am a worry wort and worry too much about things, but I just haven't been able to shake the feelings I have had today.
So I will tell you the dilema, the solution and we'll go from there...
My awesome, amazing little Sis graduates from College (ASU) this Friday. Originally I planned to go down for the big event with the kiddos. Cort is out of town this week, perfect time for me to get away without missing anything, so that was the plan. I mentioned to my little Sis I was thinking of coming down, but never actually told her I was coming. Then, unknown to my sister until she reads this, I was actually going to tell her something came up and I couldn't go...but then surprise her the night before the big event at a family dinner. I had it all planned with my mom and sisters, I was going to call the house from down the street while she was there and tell her I missed her, etc....then walk through the doors while she was there. My sis LOOOOOVES surprises, and I knew it was going to be the perfect surprise for her. And it would be so fun for all of us.
Well, then the dilemas came. The biggest dilema was I learned Kyler's Kindergarden Graduation is the same day. I thought about it and decided, you know what, I am just going to miss it and that's that. I really want to be there for my sister on her big day. The more and more time passed, the more and more I felt completely uneasy about something...I just couldn't put my finger on it, but I just felt uneasy about the trip itself. So as more time went on, I realized the day after my sisters graduation is The March of Dimes walk (which I know I could miss because thousands of people are there and I did raise money for it...) but I also have a big poster made this year to put up at the walk site...then later the same afternoon if my sister in laws baby shower. THEN if I were in Arizona, I would have to leave no later than Monday to come back because Kyler has maditory Kindergarden testing on Tuesday.
Now, I love to drive. I have no problems doing the 11 hour drive there and back by myself, we have done it a million times before. Me and the three kids do at least one of the ways there by ourselves when we go usually...but this time, maybe because my thyroid has been off and I have been extra tired these days, this time, I have been feeling nervous about the drive there and back by myself. And this has NEVER bothered me before.
So the combination of all these things meant me missing 3 big events, 1 of them extremely important to me, and basically spending 2 days of driving and 3 days actually in Arizona with my family. I thought and thought and thought about it. I talked to several family members, including my little Sis, and all of them were so supportive and understanding of my situation.
The truth is, I unfortunetly miss family things all the time. My neice was baptised last weekend (not to mention the many neice and nephew baptisms I have missed in the past), I missed my bro. Mark's college Graduation and numerous other family events. Now that I have a family of my own, and their own schedules, it's harder and harder for me to drop everything and make the trip. But this trip I REALLY wanted to go and knew that I would see my Dad and Brother and his wife who all live in Tucson without making a trip to Tucson myself. That was also appealing.
So anyway, I thought about it, and finally prayed about it and knew my answer. I need to be here. But the crazy thing is, there is not this huge relief with my decision. I still feel guilt for not being able to go...but more than that, I don't know why, I just am worried about something. I don't know why I feel uneasy...I PRAY and HOPE that I am just being my typical worry-wart self and that I am just tired. But I have this small fear in the back of my mind that something is going to happen just around the corner...

I know Heavenly Father is watching over me and protecting me and my family. I know that because I am listening to his guidance and by staying here, I am making the right choice...I am going to put all my faith in that and put this into the Lord's hands. I am going to let go of this uneasiness in the back of my mind and just relax.
And even though I am not there for the big event, I am there in spirit and will always be there in spirit with my family. I am just lucky to have a family that is so close. And I am lucky that they are so suppoprtive of me, even though I live away and have to miss these family events that are so special. Love to you all my family!!


beckaboots said...

You are so sweet Liz! It's really ok that you can't make it! I just got to see you and visit so we will just have to catch up the next time you come. And your surprise would have totally worked haha :) But I'm glad that you can be there with your family.

the tim gailey home said...

i love reading your stories. so great. sorry you couldn't be here and there. i think you made the right choice. sorry about that awful pit feeling. hopefully that gets resovled!